21 Day Fix: Day 10 Almost Halfway Through

I want to give up today. Oh, how I want to. I wish I'd started this blog and tracked from Day One so you could see the highs and lows. When you are feeling achy, are nursing a strained muscle, are tired and up a half pound likely due to PMS (yeah, we shouldn't weigh often, but when you're excited sometimes you can't help it), and you can't choose to not go to your usual (chocolate chips, cereal, whatever constitutes comfort food, aka stress-relief) you have to feel those emotions, accept them, and process them. Find ways other than food to work through them. Hard to do when you're used to stuffing your emotions down.

Mentally, I know that this is going to help me. But that teeny part inside of me says, "Oh, really? What makes this time different?" Maybe you'd think someone who already lost and kept off over 50 pounds has a secret formula that makes them keep going. Well, if you know someone like that, introduce me to them. Because changing yourself is not easy. And when you add emotional eating to all the emotions that come up when you are changing yourself, it gets hard. Very hard.

I'm not complaining. I'm hoping that someone who is struggling sees this. Because it's in these moments, the moments where that inner part of you, the sad, defeated, irrational inner part of you screams for doughnuts, for chocolate, for something to make it feel better. It says you've suffered enough, now do whatever you need to to make the pain go away. It says to grab that box of cookies and hide under the covers all day with a book. It's these pivotal moments where I have a choice--give in to feel better momentarily, or choose the hard road because cookie-soothed feelings don't last. (I also have no cookies in the house for a reason!)

Hard days are magical. It's moments and days and weeks like these where my dreams can be solidified and forged into something real in the fires of discouragement--if I choose it.

I choose it today. I choose it right now.

Just because I feel like I want to quit, just because my inner self is trying to get me to quit--

It doesn't mean I have to quit.

And I won't.

I'm not saying I'll never have a doughnut again. I'm not ever saying I won't have three in a row, or half a box. I don't need to put that kind of pressure on myself, which would be counterproductive. What I am saying is that right now, today, I won't.

Not to say that I will never emotionally eat again, because that's not realistic. But consciously making better choices over time will make those times few and far between. So, I will deal with all these emotions with a workout instead of a chocolate cake today. The battle is won one day at a time. Sometimes an hour at a time. This blog is going to be a reminder of what I did why I did, and how I got there. It's not going to be all roses up in here, because I want this to be a reflection of what the journey is really like. I will have good moments, bad ones, and ones in between. The road to success is paved with hills and valleys, and it also looks a lot like this:

You know what? I'm almost halfway through my first three week round. I'm not even a teensy bit as sore as I was the first week. If I measured myself correctly, I lost about an inch off my waist already, and I'm going to celebrate that accomplishment with another workout and a bottle of water.

As my dad always said, "And that's the name of that tune."

Here's what I was working on this morning. It's a maple pumpkin steel-cut oatmeal recipe. It's almost there; just a few more tweaks. I'll share it once I get it finished. (No, that is not soy sauce. I did that once, unfortunately. Absent-minded, much?)

Happy Wednesday. :)