21 Day Fix: Round 2 Complete!

So I finished round two of 21 Day Fix nutrition. I did pretty well most of the time, not much in the way of cheat meals, etc, but on Saturday and Sunday I didn't use my containers. We had a crazy time, very traumatic with the death of my daughter's guinea pig. My meals were spread out way too far. But I still tried to estimate what I was eating, and even though I had some diet soda and chose to use my carbs Saturday for a frozen yogurt, I didn't do too badly. I'm pretty sure I stayed in my calorie range even though I had less veggies than I should have over the weekend. And with the exception of my son's birthday a week ago today and the overindulgence of chocolate cake, I'm fairly certain I stayed within calorie range all three weeks.

Anyway, if you've been following my journey I ended the first round of three weeks with 190. Then I went back up two pounds the next day, and it was another week or after until I saw 190 more regularly. I've been doing PiYo instead of the Fix workouts, and I'm really loving it! I decided not to take pictures until next Monday since PiYo is a two month schedule and you take pics every month. But I did measure today, and lost another half inch around my waist, one and a half inches off my chest, and about a half inch on my hips. My body is much tighter and stronger. I'm two workouts behind due to a couple of things, so I'll try to make them up this week if I can. I'm still tired and could use another rest day, so today will be only one workout.

I woke up this morning to this:

Considering the gaining muscle and losing some inches, I'm really happy with a one and a half pound loss on the scale. Feels like the snowball has started going down the hill and is slowly gaining momentum! I am aiming to reach my goal of 150, but the number doesn't matter. Whatever number leaves me healthy and fit is what number I want to be! 

I'm still going to use Fix containers, but I don't know that I'll actually do full rounds of three weeks since I'm following PiYo. I'll probably just do the Fix program for food during the rest of my PiYo schedule. 

So, that's where I am right now! I love how my life has changed in six weeks. Losing inches and gaining health. I'm excited to be starting another weekly workout program with the women at church, using my AFAA certification for the reason I got it. 

Next Monday I'm taking pictures to celebrate one month of PiYo! I can already tell there's going to be a good-sized difference! 

Solid Proof (Pun Intended) that Muscle is Indeed Denser than Fat

I've been measuring every now and then, and I still haven't lost much in inches in these last 5 1/2 weeks. That's why I'm taking pictures, because my body is a rebel--it doesn't want to follow the "rules" of weight loss. I'm losing fat in places I don't measure, and though I can see big changes, I'm still only between 6-7 pounds down on the scale at this point.This is why I look for NSVs, or Non-Scale Victories, because that helps keep me going and chases discouragement away most days. So, on that note--

You GUYS. I'm so excited today! Monday I shared about a dress I could wear that I never could before. Well, I have another victory to share today. I got into a couple bags of clothes I'd almost given away because I'd put on weight and thought I'd never get back into them. In April of last year, just before my husband lost his job, I was losing weight and bought some clothes from a friend. Among these clothes was a dress that was really tight around my midsection at the time, but it was cute, so I bought it anyway and figured I could wear a jacket over it. 

At the time I purchased it I was right at my lowest weight. I weighed 5-6 pounds less than I do right now. Yet I could barely squeeze into it, had to hold my breath to even get it zipped. Fast forward to today and this picture I took in my bathroom. (Sorry for the selfies, but that's really all I can do right now.) 

IT FITS! And I can breathe in it both standing up and sitting down! And I can wear a shirt underneath it without that extra bit of fabric cutting off my circulation! 

So, see? You can't rely on just the scale or the measurements. And muscle does not weigh more than fat (a pound is a pound no matter what you're measuring), but muscle is more dense. It takes up less space than fat.  This is kind of gross-looking (it's fake, by the way), but it illustrates what's going on inside your body when you are doing strength training. 

So if you're feeling like the process of getting fit will take forever, or the scale isn't moving, or the measuring tape doesn't seem to reflect the changes you're feeling in your body, hang in there! Embrace every positive change, and document them! Because when you're having a bad day, you can look back and see how far you've come. Then that gives you courage and the confidence to push through another workout, to choose another healthy meal. 

Thanks for sharing in my NSV today. I'd love to hear about any you are experiencing!

Nearly Two Weeks Into PiYo--21 Day Fix Round Two Week Three

Quick update, as it's my eldest son's birthday and a full day!

I discovered that my wrists are a lot better doing PiYo on a carpet, even with a mat. I haven't noticed much weight loss, though I finally hit 189 two days in a row! That is very exciting!

I learned a new term this week: NSV. That means Non-Scale Victories. I have had a few of those last week.

1) A dress I bought last year that was always too tight fits me well enough to wear now. I would post a picture, but I forgot to take one. :)

2) Another dress that fit me very well at five pounds fewer than I am now is almost too big in my upper body. PiYo and the 21 Day Fix workouts changed my dimensions a lot in just five weeks. The funny thing is that I'm only seven pounds down, almost nothing inch-wise depending on how I measure, but the proof is in how my clothes fit. I am gaining muscle and losing fat from different places than usual.

3) My husband remarked on how nice my skin feels. All these extra veggies and almost no sugar or white flour products are making a large difference in my skin.

4) I'm seeing hints of collarbone now. James noticed too.


Funny story: A few days ago I was getting a little frustrated because the scale isn't budging much. I know that my body builds muscle quickly, takes change slowly, etc, but it is frustrating that at 190 pounds my body is acting like someone's usually does about 10 pounds from their goal weight--trading muscle for fat and staying the same weight.

Around that time, my husband looked at me and said, "I think you're at the point when the people on the Biggest Loser start not losing as much weight each week, but they begin looking really good." He knows me so well. That might not sound like a huge compliment to most, but it was the exact thing I needed to hear. He told me I look overall a lot more toned and tighter. That comment pushed me to get two workouts done in one day since I'd had to take a day off for sore wrists. :) It also helped me get through that slump.

One more week of Fix eating, then I haven't decided whether I'll take pics then to update or wait a week to do a one month of PiYo since it's a two month program. I was supposed to do two workouts on Saturday to catch up, but I only got one in. So my two month program might extend to a couple of days, since I'm not sure I can quite catch up.

Today is a cheat day, and I really tried to stay at my calorie level. I did pretty well until it came to chocolate birthday cake, and overdid that. But it's something I rarely do now, and one night of cake isn't going to undo all my hard work. We went to the aquatic park as a family tonight, and I'm headed downstairs to do PiYo Buns before I go to bed.

The thing that I keep reminding myself that this is a lifestyle. I will eat things at times or have cheat meals or even days. But I approach them differently now, really evaluating if I want to eat what is there or just planning to because it's accepted. I'm glad to see that my thinking is changing some, though I admit to feeling some panic at the fact I'm sure I went over calories today. But dealing with that process will help me, too. I'm just so excited to get to uncharted territory, meaning fitness levels I haven't seen in myself for over 15 years. I will get there!

Week One of PiYo--Complete!

I finished the round of 21 Day Fix with a bang over a week ago. As you may remember, down six pounds. Well, that was my lowest point weight-wise. The next day I went up a couple, and after that, a couple more. But it's not because I went off my nutrition--nope. I went into my second round right away. I had a "cheat meal" I'd planned for Monday with some frozen lasagna I'd set aside (bad idea, thought it had minimal cheese, cottage cheese, and sauce, it also had white noodles. I also learned that my body hates white noodles now), but I stuck with it pretty closely.

Nope, the reason I gained was because I hit mid-hormonal cycle. At that time, I gain four pounds. Then I lose some of that, then gain it back until the end of my cycle is over. So for me, especially when I'm gaining muscle, I really can't look at that scale. I'm focusing on increasing my strength until the balance tips and I have enough muscle that the scale will start going down. I'm at about 192 in the mornings right now, but I've been avoiding weighing. I also have lost more fat around my abdomen, but it's difficult to measure. 

Also, instead of doing the Fix workouts for this round, I started with the new Beachbody program I'd been waiting months for--PiYo. I'd done a couple live classes a year ago with a great instructor, and loved the huge changes I noticed in only two classes. They just came out with the home program, and I couldn't wait to start. 

(Again, I don't sell the products and am not affiliated with Beachbody in any way.) I love Chalene as an instructor. She is very clear in her directions and very precise. The first few workouts weren't really tough--until I learned the moves better and pushed myself harder. But that was something I planned, to take it easy for the first few days because my body needed a few days without anything strenuous. 

I've found continuing on with the 21 Day Fix nutrition very doable. I'm now on my second week of my second round, and am really loving all the variety. Thanks to my parents feeding us healthily when I was young, I've always loved healthy food, and this gives me the excuse I need to cook the things that no one else in our family likes except my daughter (though they do like lots of healthy stuff, but not squash or collards or mushrooms). Here's an example from today's lunch:

Tempeh with shredded cauliflower, collards, onions, peppers, and Mrs. Dash, with brown rice and cannellini beans flavored with onion and garlic powder, stewed tomatoes, and some enchilada sauce. (For those of you Fixing it was 2 1/2 green and 1 red for the stir fry, and 1 yellow for the rice and beans. There wasn't enough tomatoes or sauce in the rice and beans to count.) I like to cook things like collards and have them on hand to add to whatever I want, or eat them plain. I use a little veggie broth to flavor them.

Here's what I noticed from my first week of PiYo:

Pluses:

• I'm much stronger through my shoulders
• Planks are easier
• It stretches me as I work so I have less pain in my right hip
• My shorts got looser
• My abdomen has gotten softer and squishier and I can tell there's less of it, no matter what the measuring tape says
• I feel much stronger overall 
• My skin looks different. Softer and smoother, a bit more . . . glowy? Especially on my stomach and through my torso. It's weird, but kind of cool. I attribute that to the food I'm eating
• Thighs are getting really solid

Minuses:

• My pectoral muscle pull got aggravated, but it does that with anything I do now. I have to be conscious of it, so it's not the program's fault
• My wrists hurt. I've been trying to change my positioning a bit to take pressure off of them, but when nearly all the 43 pounds you have to lose are hanging around your middle, it's going to put pressure on the hands. I'm just being aware of them, and if I need to take a day or two off, I will. They'll get stronger.
• There's a muscle strain in the side of my forearm. I'm massaging that and I think it will be okay after a while. Most of this is because I'm 35. Getting fit felt easier when I was in my 20's. 

Way more pluses than minuses. Is it easy? No, but I love it and plan to keep going.

So, I've known for a long time how the scale doesn't always reflect what you're doing. Too many people use only the scale as a way to judge their lifestyle changes, then get discouraged and give up. If I don't notice any more changes after pictures at the end of this round, I'll do some re-evaluating. But until then, I'm going to trust the process. My body was pretty beaten up after years of not being taken care of, so it all won't happen overnight. Even though I am measuring pretty much the same, I can feel more muscle and less fat, so eventually the levels of each will tip the opposite direction. 

Is this easy? In some ways, yes, in some, no. But I'm sticking with it. Quitting is not an option.

21 Day Fix: Round One Results!

In the words of Niecy Nash, "It's Reveal Day! Uh!" (If you don't know who that is, watch a few early episodes of Clean House. You'll thank me.)

I did Beachbody's 21 Day Fix for 21 days. I followed the nutrition plan pretty closely overall. I am not doing Shakeology (their meal replacement shake). The first few days I had an extra serving of protein or vegetables, because I was so hungry. Then a cheat day on the 4th, but other than that I was pretty careful.

The first week I was up 2 pounds for a few days because of muscle soreness. I ended the week with a 2.5 lb loss. 

The second week I went down a calorie level because I was only 18 calories above that level, and most advice when you're that close is to go down a level. That week was my monthly hormonal week, so I didn't expect a loss during that week, but by the end of the week I should have been less once my body's water levels balanced again. I was actually up a pound.

So I added up the calories of the food I was eating, and realized that I was barely hitting the bottom of my target level, which I think was slowing my loss. If you eat too few calories your body can go in starvation mode, where it hangs on to the fat for emergency purposes. So I bumped back up to the next level and started losing again. 

My results aren't huge, but they're noticeable. First of all, I went from 196.6 to 190.4 pounds for a loss of 6.2 pounds. That averages out to 2 pounds per week, which is a healthy rate to lose weight.

My results for these last 3 weeks might be considered not enough of a victory for some people. After all, lots of people lose a good deal of weight if they're close to 200 lbs. If they don't lose a lot of weight, they lose inches. However, I lost about 1 inch on my waist and 1 inch on my hips, but gained 1/4 inch on each arm. My chest and thighs stayed the same. My net inch loss is 1 1/2 total inches, not much. But as you will see in a moment, there is a difference in how I look. I know I gained a good deal of muscle. I was able to go up in weights to using 8 lb dumbbells for my heavy weights. I wore a dress over the weekend that I couldn't even zip up and breathe in a few weeks ago. So I'm losing fat, just not yet in many of those specific places I'm measuring. 

Do I wish I had bigger (ha, smaller) results? Sure? Am I depressed about it? No way! Changes are still happening inside my body. The focus is on getting healthy, and I'll show you why it's so important to not just rely on the scale or your tape measure, even! I'm pretty stoked about my results. They show improvement! 

Here's a list of the positive things I noticed happening over these last three weeks:

• Softer skin
• Increased strength 
• Dropped a dress size
• Felt blood sugars lowering
• Less squishy/jiggly back
• Calf definition came back
• Muscle definition in my thighs
• Increased arm muscle by a lot
• Firmer, smaller bum 

Negatives? Really none. I did pull a couple old injuries, but that's my fault for not listening to my body closely enough. I have more pain in my hip/back, but that is due to my physical challenges (read my fitness journey above to learn more about that), and I'm taking a few days of yoga and stretching to help that.

I love the flexibility of the program. I did all the workouts with the exception of two. The last week you have the option of doubling up on the workouts. I did an extra Pilates workout, but missed Cardio Fix on Friday because I felt like I was fighting an illness. I was exhausted to the bone, and I've learned that when I feel like that it's not smart to push through. I end up regretting it. So I rested instead, did Dirty 30 on Saturday, then danced for a couple of hours at a wedding reception. Yeah, I got my cardio in. The only other workout I missed was Yoga Fix for the last time, but I stretched out well in a friend's pool on Thursday, so not too bad.

Here are my before and after shots! I had to wear different shorts in the after, so please excuse the paint on them. :D

Not a huge difference yet, but I can totally feel that there's less in my midsection. 

So, what next? Well, I'm sticking with the Fix nutrition. I'm planning to start PiYo this week, and once I feel more stretched out I'll start another round of Fix workouts or just add some to PiYo. I am really excited about this program! I think once I get even more muscle that my fat levels will drop faster.

I'll take a new set of before pictures tonight or tomorrow to start the new round! If you're doing the Fix or you are on your own health journey, please share! There is power and strength in support!

Pumpkin Oat Pudding

I've been working on this for a while. See, I love oatmeal, but I have to be careful with how much I have at once since I have diabetes. I also love pumpkin pie, but I also love the crust too much. When I want the flavor of pumpkin pie, I eat this! Since there's more pumpkin than oatmeal, it's more of a pumpkin pudding thickened with oats. I love the texture the oats give to it. 

What you need (some not pictured): 

• 1 cup water
• 1/4 cup rolled oats (not quick oats) 
• Teensy pinch salt (optional, but it brings out flavor)
• 1/4 cup coconut milk
• 1 cup pumpkin puree (make sure it's not filling--just plain, no other additives)
• Cinnamon (and ginger, cloves, nutmeg, if you like them--I do)
• Vanilla extract (Use the real stuff if you have it, and make sure your bottle is well-loved like mine obviously is)
• Sweetener such as honey, maple syrup, or agave (I use stevia drops) 

Presenting the main cast

Turn burner on to medium high. Add water and oats. Add teensy pinch of salt, if using. When it starts to bubble, stir, turn heat down to simmer, and cook for several minutes, stirring often. This is twice as much water as you need to cook the oats, but they will soak it up. It's a good ratio for the finished pudding, but you can play with your pumpkin/water amounts if you want.

When everything starts thickening, add coconut milk. Make sure to wipe the inside of the measuring container with your finger to get out every last drop. Note I didn't say it had to make it into the pot. Sorry about the messy stove. I already got pumpkin on it somehow.

Stir, and let cook a minute or two more. Then add the pumpkin.

Stir again. (I'm noticing a theme here.) 

Then add your spices. Some people are cinnamon people. I'm one of them. I use around a whole tsp in my pudding. If you're not a cinnamon purist, add nutmeg, ginger, cloves, mace, cumin--strike the cumin. Unless you are really weird. But that's okay, I'll still love you. ("Smells like cumin." A bajillionty points to whomever gets that vague reference.)

After your delicious spices are added and your mouth is watering like crazy, add a spash of vanilla, then stir in the sweetener of your choice. I like to use flavored stevia drops.

Warning: this makes a really big bowlful. I like really big bowlfuls of pudding, but if you don't, share with someone. I like being selfish. Also, if I have skipped my snack and worked out or something, or I just feel the need for a humongous breakfast, I can serve it with something else. Like this. Sauteed mushrooms and onions with eggs and Southwestern Mrs. Dash. It was very tasty. And yes, I did serve myself breakfast in bed. (Actually, it was the nicest surface to take the picture on at the time.) If you are vegan you can do scrambled water-packed tofu with the veggies, which would also be amazing.

21 Day Fix equivalents: Pudding--1 Yellow, 1 Blue, 1 Green 

                                    Eggs (or tofu if you do that instead) and Veggies--1 Green, 1 Red

Recipe: Fruit Soft-Serve

Sometimes you just want something sweet, ice cold, and creamy. Well, this is super easy. It comes out really smooth if you use a Vitamix.

For enough to halfway fill a quart Mason jar (my favorite size glass for shakes of any kind!), all you need is the following: 

2 cups frozen fruit. (I used 1 cup strawberries and 1 cup mango chunks.)

1/4 cup coconut milk (The kind in a can that has all the creamy stuff in it. This actually came out with a bit of an oily feel to me since I haven't been using oil. I've gotten less used to that mouth-feel. So next time I'd probably only use 2 tablespoons.)

Water to blend. I only go about halfway up the fruit, less if not using ice. 

Ice if you want it more icy and like a shake.

Then blend it all up! If you want it sweeter, use a little stevia, or a touch of raw honey or some agave. Or whatever floats your battleship. Your battleship in your war on unhealthy food! Bahahaha! Okay, forgive me. I'm listening to my four-year-old screaming in his bed about going to bed, and it's 10:40 pm. 

21 Day Fix counts: 2 Purple, 1 Blue

I know what you're thinking. Yes, it was tasty. 

Feeling Strong

Today I did Upper Fix, and noticed another awesome change. As soon as I started, I realized my thighs were still sore. But that's not all. I felt STRONG.

For someone who has felt weak for a long time, feeling strength is absolutely amazing. I still had to modify planks due to my back, but overall I felt like I could kick that workout's patooty. It felt amazing.

By the end of the workout I was tired and rather drained, but I pushed myself. Upped my weights. There is so much more to this change than just how I look and how I feel. It's also helping me gain the strength I need to be able to stand on my two feet and own my place in this world.

This is doubles week, where if we want we can double up on workouts a certain way to maximize calorie burn. I didn't do Pilates Fix last night as my back was aching so much. But I'm going to do it today, though I may not do the suggested Cardio Fix. It's been a learning curve for me the last few years, because I tend to have an all or nothing mentality I've been trying to change. So I've been trying to accept that I have physical limitations and that I can still accomplish things by working around them.

So what if it's not easy for me. All I care about is that it's possible.

21 Day Fix Week Two Report!

Well, I'm now on Day 15. I've done every workout scheduled the last two weeks, though I double up on Dirty 30 and Yoga Fix on Saturdays to allow for a complete rest day on Sundays.

I have lost 3 pounds total so far, and 1 inch around my waist, though I haven't fully measured. My thighs are still the same. To be completely honest, I was even up a lot in weight on Saturday night, and had a little meltdown. I knew in my head I had to stick with it, and that I shouldn't have gotten on the scale or tried to measure, etc. I knew I'd done a hard workout earlier that day and pushed myself, so I would see water retention as I always do when I do that. I knew because of the holiday and my cheat meal the day before, I'd also had more salt than usual.  I knew that I'd just eaten most of my day's calories just a couple of hours before, because I'd been out with my husband doing errands for several hours and refused anything at Taco Bell, so I was ready to gnaw off my arm by the time I got home. Yes, my head knew all these things, but my heart didn't. So I was kind of bummed, even though I plan on sticking with this--I'm just one of those for whom results don't happen very quickly.

Or so I thought.

I wore the same tank top to work out in today that I did when I took pictures. When I looked in the mirror I could have sworn it fit a lot differently than it did when I started. So I took a look at my other pictures, and WOW! There is a huge difference that isn't reflecting on the scale or on the measuring tape!

So, when I was getting dressed after my workout, I found a Hogwarts shirt I'd purchased pretty cheaply a month or so ago. I had only worn it to bed because it was way too tight to wear anywhere else . . .

TA-DA!

Sorry about the mirror spots. I need to clean it, as well as . . . everything around here. The shirt is still a little tighter than I'd like, but I can wear it! Hooray!

I started the third and final week of The Fix today. After Independence Day, I was really happy to get back to my routine. I hadn't noticed how much better I'd been feeling until after I had sugar on the 4th. My body reacted pretty badly to it. May be TMI, but it sent me running to the bathroom several times. When I get to my healthy body weight levels, I'm going to mostly stick with treats made from whole foods. I'll still have a piece of cake or pie now and then, but my body can't handle more than one slice. 

Other changes I've noticed--fruit is almost too sweet. I had a banana the other day and almost couldn't finish it because of the sweetness. That is huge for me. I've increased my weights, and I'm stronger. I'm starting to sleep a little better when I finally get to sleep. On the flip side, I'm in more pain because of my hip and back, and they affect my head, so I've had headaches. No chiropractor until we move. :(  So after this round of 21 Day Fix I'm going to take a few days to a week off and focus on yoga and working muscles out on my foam roller before I start anything else--though after a couple of days I may head into PiYo territory. I've been waiting months and months for that workout.

21 Day Fix: Day 12--Independence Day

Independence Day has always competed with Christmas for my favorite holiday. Usually we spend it with family, eating good food and having fun with fireworks. This holiday, we are reclaiming independence by using the long weekend to get over the hump with fixing our house so we can move.

Today I did my workout, Cardio Fix. Until now, I'd never done a full burpee because of my fear of injuring my slipped vertebrae further. Today, I felt my core was strong enough, so I did it. I left out the jumps at the end except for one time, but for two minutes broken into one minute segments, I DID BURPEES. (A burpee is where you put your hands down, hop back into a plank, hop in, and jump up.) And not only that, my four children sat on the couch, and watched me grunt and struggle at the end. "Come on, Mom!" they yelled. "You can do it!"

And when I finally finished, they cheered. They jumped up and down, clapped, and hollered, "YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT!" I'm crying again now thinking about it.

My kids are the main reason I'm doing this. I want to be around for them. I had to take such care when I was pregnant with them, eat a specific diet, take my insulin. I did everything I had to to get them into this world safely, so I ask myself why it's taken this long to get it in gear. They need me just as much now that they're growing outside of my body.

I'm trying to get over the guilt, because for various reasons, I just couldn't manage this before. But I'm going to now. They deserve having a healthy mom. And I deserve being able to enjoy being a mom as much as I can.

This Independence Day for me is not only about celebrating our freedom from tyranny. I'm also celebrating my steps in taking back my independence.

Happy Independence Day. :)

Picture from Ice Flow Studios

21 Day Fix: Day 10 Almost Halfway Through

I want to give up today. Oh, how I want to. I wish I'd started this blog and tracked from Day One so you could see the highs and lows. When you are feeling achy, are nursing a strained muscle, are tired and up a half pound likely due to PMS (yeah, we shouldn't weigh often, but when you're excited sometimes you can't help it), and you can't choose to not go to your usual (chocolate chips, cereal, whatever constitutes comfort food, aka stress-relief) you have to feel those emotions, accept them, and process them. Find ways other than food to work through them. Hard to do when you're used to stuffing your emotions down.

Mentally, I know that this is going to help me. But that teeny part inside of me says, "Oh, really? What makes this time different?" Maybe you'd think someone who already lost and kept off over 50 pounds has a secret formula that makes them keep going. Well, if you know someone like that, introduce me to them. Because changing yourself is not easy. And when you add emotional eating to all the emotions that come up when you are changing yourself, it gets hard. Very hard.

I'm not complaining. I'm hoping that someone who is struggling sees this. Because it's in these moments, the moments where that inner part of you, the sad, defeated, irrational inner part of you screams for doughnuts, for chocolate, for something to make it feel better. It says you've suffered enough, now do whatever you need to to make the pain go away. It says to grab that box of cookies and hide under the covers all day with a book. It's these pivotal moments where I have a choice--give in to feel better momentarily, or choose the hard road because cookie-soothed feelings don't last. (I also have no cookies in the house for a reason!)

Hard days are magical. It's moments and days and weeks like these where my dreams can be solidified and forged into something real in the fires of discouragement--if I choose it.

I choose it today. I choose it right now.

Just because I feel like I want to quit, just because my inner self is trying to get me to quit--

It doesn't mean I have to quit.

And I won't.

I'm not saying I'll never have a doughnut again. I'm not ever saying I won't have three in a row, or half a box. I don't need to put that kind of pressure on myself, which would be counterproductive. What I am saying is that right now, today, I won't.

Not to say that I will never emotionally eat again, because that's not realistic. But consciously making better choices over time will make those times few and far between. So, I will deal with all these emotions with a workout instead of a chocolate cake today. The battle is won one day at a time. Sometimes an hour at a time. This blog is going to be a reminder of what I did why I did, and how I got there. It's not going to be all roses up in here, because I want this to be a reflection of what the journey is really like. I will have good moments, bad ones, and ones in between. The road to success is paved with hills and valleys, and it also looks a lot like this:

You know what? I'm almost halfway through my first three week round. I'm not even a teensy bit as sore as I was the first week. If I measured myself correctly, I lost about an inch off my waist already, and I'm going to celebrate that accomplishment with another workout and a bottle of water.

As my dad always said, "And that's the name of that tune."

Here's what I was working on this morning. It's a maple pumpkin steel-cut oatmeal recipe. It's almost there; just a few more tweaks. I'll share it once I get it finished. (No, that is not soy sauce. I did that once, unfortunately. Absent-minded, much?)

Happy Wednesday. :)

How I Licked Autumn's Arm, and a recipe for Italian Eggplant

You read that right. I licked Autumn Calabrese, the trainer for 21 Day Fix's, arm. Her right arm.

Here's how it went down:

I was drinking an icy, frothy, shake, and a bit of it flew off my straw and landed on this:

(Yes, that's Monsters University underneath it. I have an obsessed four-year-old.) So without thinking, I picked up the DVD case and licked it off. Then I giggled because I had inadvertently licked Autumn's arm. 

Sorry, Autumn.

Here's what I ate for lunch. I know I said it was a recipe, but it's so easy that it feels like cheating to say it is. Take half an eggplant, saute in a pan with a little nonstick spray and water until soft. (I preprepped this.) I topped it with low-sugar organic spaghetti sauce from Aldi, and three Gardein vegan "meatballs." (Processed, yes, but this is a lifestyle for me, so I'm going to have tasty things now and then.) I dusted with about 1/2 tsp of  a Parmesan/Romano blend. It was SO satisfying! Make it vegan by omitting the dusting of cheese. We like to use toasted, salted sunflower seeds on spaghetti, and it would be good here too. You can even grind them up and use as a vegan Parmesan replacement.

(If you're counting for 21 Day Fix I counted it as 1 green, 1/2 purple, and 1 red. The Parmesan/Romano was so little that I didn't count it, but you could add it to your blue for the day if you wanted.)

Welcome to my Fitness Blog!

I've been meaning to get this blog up and running for a very long time. For so long, I worked on my fitness goals in private. After four years of losing over half the weight I needed to lose (I needed to lose 100 lbs total), I decided to change my approach. Let people into my journey, be open about what I'm feeling day to day. Terror used to flood my heart at the thought of telling people what I weigh, especially if I failed. But by not sharing my journey, I was telling myself it was okay to fail. And while I don't consider losing over 50 pounds a failure by any means, I certainly did backslide and stall.

You know what?

The number on the scale doesn't define me. It defines challenges I have, but I am happy to say that I have reached the point where that number is one I can tell the world. Other people do, I can, too. And if following my journey helps even one person, it's worth it. I'm not going to end up with a tight body. I'll have loose skin from gaining weight and having four children. I'm thirty-five years old. What I care about right now most of all is being there for my children and husband for a long time.

I started a new program on June 23rd called 21 Day Fix. It's by Beachbody. (At first the name threw me, because I don't like anything that's trying to be a quick fix, but I found out it was named for the saying "21 days makes a habit.") A friend of mine was doing it, and I'd been looking for something to help me with eating, as calorie counting throws me into a tailspin. (I may elaborate why in another post sometime. Let's just say it causes old emotions to surface and throws me into awful anxiety.) But this system uses all the healthy, whole foods I love to eat, without calorie counting, and ensures I get a variety of good food. And there are 30 minute workouts for every day of the week, which is a bonus. So I ordered it, and it was the answer to prayer.

When I started, I had to weigh and measure. I was scared to death to weigh again, since I hadn't for a few months and was worried I'd be back over 200. (Original starting weight in 2009 was about 250.) I was happy to see I was under 200 still, but unhappy that I'd regained 14 pounds and felt absolutely terrible physically. Okay, here are two pictures. The first is my before picture. I wouldn't generally post a picture of me wearing a tank top and shorter shorts, but this is what I work out in at home, and I want people to see the reality of what I'm dealing with. I also took some in just a sports bra and shorts for my own personal use, so I can better see the changes, but I won't post those. :) The second picture is my starting weight.

I love you, week-old me, even though you're smiling to cover up the feeling-like-crud part of taking before pics.

Starting Weight to the Improved Me

Well, I followed the plan really well last week, and lost 2.5 lbs. I'm good with that, because I don't lose quickly. I also build muscle really fast, and I've gotten nearly all my calf definition back in one week, and there's a huge difference in my legs. I'll post before and after pictures once the three weeks are over.

I began the second week today, and quickly realized that I'd strained one of my quadricep muscles in my right thigh. Lots of frozen veggies on it today (we ate green beans tonight at dinner), and I may have to sub in a gentle yoga workout tomorrow, but things happen. Doing this at all isn't convenient right now, as we're getting our house ready to put on the market. But life is rarely convenient.

However, I want to be around for it.

Wish me luck this week!